Parenting: An Exercise in Patience
Parenting requires patience. You know this if you have tried to wrangle a onesie over your infant’s impossibly strong bent legs. You also know this if you have watched your 4-year-old pour her own milk and then immediately drop the cup of milk on the ground. You know this if you have a middle schooler. Enough said.
Parenting requires patience, and it grows patience.
I’m turning to the dictionary again to clarify what we’re talking about. According to Oxford Languages, patience is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” It’s akin to having forbearance or being slow to anger. In other words, it sounds a lot like God. And it looks a lot like Christ’s posture during His ministry on earth.
As Christian parents, we want to grow in Christlikeness and represent God well to our children. Parenting gives us ample opportunities to do this and show our children grace by being slow to anger.
Not In Our Own Strength
Being patient with our kids sounds great, except if you’re a parent, you’re also exhausted. And you have a host of other stressors that you likely deal with in addition to your role as mom or dad.
A young mom once said to me, "I'm the kind of exhausted that a weekend away can't cure." This parenthood fatigue can make us irritable, impatient, angry, and short on grace. In those moments, we can choose to muscle through in our own strength or rely on God.
You’ll hear this from me often, but we must continually remind ourselves that we cannot do this parenting thing well without the power of Christ in us. Period.
This can sound trite, but it’s Biblical. Paul is clear about his source of energy when he writes about his efforts to proclaim Christ to the Gentiles:
“For this I toil, struggling with all [Christ’s] energy that He powerfully works within me.”
- Colossians 1:29
We need Christ’s strength to parent patiently despite our circumstances. That is my first encouragement to you. Rest in Him, seek Him, and pour out your struggles and insufficiencies.
Practical Steps
In His strength, we can pursue some tangible steps to grow in patience. I’ve compiled three practical ideas to help you choose patience in those difficult parenting moments:
1. Pray
Pray for energy in advance, patience in the moment, and God's grace afterward. Ask others to pray for you. Pray for your kids who are testing your patience as much as you pray for yourself. Ask God for an eternal perspective and that the patience we show our children will point them to their loving Heavenly Father.
2. Plan your response
We often have recurring points of friction during our day. Maybe it’s in the morning as you’re trying to get out the door for school. Or maybe it’s the pre-supper hangry tantrum. Identify one of those friction points for your family.
Then, decide in advance how you'll respond the next time your patience is tested. Be specific: “The next time my daughter doesn’t put her shoes on after I ask, I will set her shoes in front of her, gently put my hand on her shoulder, and ask her again in a calm voice.” If you need a visual reminder, stick a note somewhere helpful.
3. Pause
Counting to 10, taking a break, walking away - whatever you want to call it, sometimes we just need to gather ourselves and breathe. The next time frustration boils up, pause. Leave the room if you need, take a deep breath, pray for God’s guidance, and then come back to address the situation.
Part of the Bigger Picture
Today, I focused on one very specific facet of parenting. There are many more practical questions when it comes to parenting. But in my own parenting journey, I have found that broad, spirit-fruit themes like patience can apply across many of the parenting issues we face.
Practicing a posture of patience toward our children reaps rewards for our own joy in parenting. If patience is effectively being slow to anger, an impatient parent might also be called an angry parent. And an angry parent isn’t a joyful parent - I know because I’ve been there. Thank God for His grace as He grows us. Just as He is patient toward us as our Father, we can learn to show that patience to our children.